An apology for my absence and more.

First and foremost, forgive me for not remembering how to do this. >_> Second, Hey! I can not begin to tell you how sorry I am for not updating all of you on the state of this blog. I know I kind of gave you a peek into what I was going through in my last post, but It didn't let you know that I was going to be gone for nearly 3 years!

Truth be told, I didn't want to come back. I missed all of you, believe me! I really, truly did! But, Stress was making this whole part of my life not fun. I knew that I needed to step away and step away fully if I needed to save this side of my self in anyway. It was so incredibly hard to do!

I realized that, (and if any of you know me) It was one of my little obbessions. In some weird way, I had let it take over a lot of my free time and devote way too much energy to this. I was pouring in passion and love, but than I wasn't getting a 100% return and I just felt unwanted by some in the community.

Now, I want to tell you that I have had my share of people in this community that are a poison and should be avoided. I could name names, but that is NOT the point of this post. Those people DO NOT MATTER! That's clearly stating the obvious, but when you pour so much of your self into something, those kind of people can ruin the whole thing.

I also realize that my obsession with this and all those things that come with that problem, also hurt close friends of mine. If you think your one of the ones I consider a poison, than that's what you are. Because if you can't see that I am here reaching out, spilling my guts and trying to find my way back and ask forgiveness, then this IS NOT for YOU!

This is for those that I truly care for and I am deeply sorry for also leaving you out of nowhere. again, I'm not naming names, because if you cared for me, than you know me. I did what I had to do to get better and while I do not know how well this return will go, I can say that I feel better now than I have in years!

I want to lay this out there now, I am sorry. I am sorry for letting so much poison my attitude and my time with all of you. I am sorry for treating those that cared for me poorly. I realized this a couple of years ago and I just quit cold turkey. I do not know if this means I will ever cap again, I just don't know if I have the privacy or the time for it. But I do know I feel closer to Jennifer these days and Something just compelled me to drop in and touch base with all of you.

I more than likely still have many of my bad habits. I say this because it took me so long to realize what was happening, even though it's pretty clear now. it was right there in my face, but I couldn't see it. I could feel it, but that was just perpetuating the harmful circle I was in.

So.. I don't know how to end this, except to say that I am sorry, I love you all. I have a lot of junk spam posts to clear...